Writeable Drafts

Showing posts with label prose. Show all posts

There are some rare, chosen people are just “naturally” good at certain things. Painters have a hand for art, dancers have rhythm in their bones, writers have a way with words, and designers have an eye for fashion- the list goes on and on. But most of us are just regular people trying to find a passion we’d like to pursue and hone with all the potential we possess. Sometimes we think, they’re so lucky to know what they’re good at. They’re so lucky they have it easy. It makes sense. They seem to know what they’re doing and they seem to love it. I wonder though, can they afford to take it easy in a world where anyone could improve and use up all of their potential? I believe that no one, not even inborn talented people, are exempted from practicing their craft and experiencing daily struggles.

With practicing, there will always be good and bad days. Frankly, I prefer the latter when it comes to writing. On good days, I’d wake up and words would effortlessly flow from my brain to my hand like a river. I’d tweak my work here and there, but overall, it would be done in an hour or so. But on bad days (geez), I’d feel the most passionate about what I do because the words in my brain are abandoning me, slowly dripping from a leaking pipe. This is when my determination is put to the test. Will I leave my work and try it again tomorrow? Will I continue to torture myself and just finish a rough draft? Or will I start to doubt myself and wonder if this is really for me? I've done all- the latter mostly. I've learned that we can’t control when we have good days or bad, but we can control our passion. That, itself, is a significant habit anyone can have.

Honestly, when I work on personal stories, book reviews, entries, or requests, it would take me days to finish. And in a day, it takes me an hour of “writing laps” to actually get my pen to write presentable, (and usually) mediocre, content. Some veterans in the craft can compose such artistic stories in just one month and it makes me admire how they work. But most of the time, I’d get mildly jealous to the point where I start to throw darts on their pictures (I’m talking to you, Murakami.) Kidding aside, I try to steer clear from comparing myself to others, especially kids my age because it just hurts my self-esteem. I’m pretty sure this is relevant to almost every living person.

Well, I think that if we let jealousy consume us, we’d lose our sole purpose in why we even try to be good at what we’re doing. Whether this person is older, our age, or a child prodigy, we can’t go on and keep comparing ourselves to others because when it comes to your passion and line of work, there is no “rest of the world”. It’s only you, your dreams, and the love you have for your passion. Nothing more, nothing less.

So, this is for those midnights where you can’t stop looking for flaws in your work and the coffee-induced morning where you feel like crawling in a corner. This is for those who haven’t found their passion- a gift, I believe, of freely choosing what you want to pursue. So you weren't born talented. Well, neither was I and neither were a million of people in the world. Here’s to making the most of the bad days and the daily grind we go through in the name of passion.

Don't you guys just love sixteen candles? If you haven't watched this movie yet,

you're grounded. Get out. I don't want you here. (Kidding, I love you.)

1. Find yourself in unexpected places.

Sometimes, we befriend people who we don't really like and we do things we don't really love doing. I can say that I found a part of myself in one of the most unexpected places, my family, in the books I read and the words I write. Sometimes, in the songs I hear and the people I smile at everyday. So open yourself up to everyone and everything. No limits.

2. Take time off from social media.

This is cheesy, but it works. Take some time off from the image you want society to see you. Take some time off from telling the world this and that and focus on yourself. I've been there, and I don't want to go back. Social Media slowly destroys our esteem.

3. Do little things that you love doing every day.
If you like to cook, then cook breakfast! If you like to sing, then at least hum! Play ball, dance, create things. It's not that hard. Take at least 30 minutes every day to just do what you love to do. Do the one thing that makes you happy. It makes a huge difference than not doing it at all.

4. Friends will disappoint you, but forgive them anyway.
This was the year that I learned: Our friends are humans too. They will lie, betray and sometimes, do things we don't like. It's okay. If you want to stop talking to them, that's fine. If you want to pretend they don't exist anymore, it's all good. Just make sure to forgive them- really forgive them. And move on with your life. Don't make them feel guilty or hate them because once upon a time, you were both friends. And that counts for something.

5. Don't be afraid to cut people off.
Like stated on number 4, people will disappoint you. If you think that they only do harm than good, let them go... Gently. But don't cut someone off for no reason at all. That's just mean. Do it when you're really tired and just want the sadness and pain to end. People will come and go, it's the way the world works.

6. Stop caring about useless opinions.
Please, just stop caring what other people will think. You're freaking 16, maybe even 17, maybe older. I don't care, just stop caring. If you think what you're doing is 100% right and harmless, do it. I can say that if what you do and who you are is a positive person, then there's no point in dwelling on negative comments. Stop trying to act like everyone else, it's so common. Just be you.

7. Own your quirks- be quirky. People like that.
If I had a dime for every time a person called me quirky and weird and so different, I'd be a millionaire. (Figuratively speaking) You see, in Vegas, everybody acts sort of the same. They all say "For reals?" and they all don't like to read and they like to hang out and watch movies and go bowling. I've learned that being different is so fun because people are refreshed when they hang out with you. In a vast sea of pretty fishes, I'm like a floating potato. Yes, I call myself Pat-tato sometimes.

8. Be interested in others than yourself. You'll have more friends.
Okay, people are usually interested in themselves. I'm like that, my friends are like that. It's human nature! If you try to be interested in others, you'll seriously have buckets of friends and acquaintances. Now, I know some will say "I only need three friends and blah blah". Wrong. The whole point of college is the meet new people and make loads of friends so when you get to the working world, you got people by your side. Connecting with others is an early sign of success because you'll have lots of people's help and support. That's what it's all about.

9. Be independent

10. Break-ups will come and go. Life goes on.
I've had about two break-ups in my life and I tell this to all my little cousins and my younger sister and my friends who are still in high school. Don't get too caught up in break-ups. You're heartbroken, I get that. Grab your ice cream, pour some tears, watch Tangled a few times, and be done with it. Don't waste your time crying over something that's done, okay? And please, for the love of God, don't get back with your ex. You broke up with them for a reason and vice versa.

11. Man, don't even stress about love.
To be honest, I'm so tired with relationships at the moment. And I realized that I have so many things to do with my life now, I have no time for men and their needs and their cool date ideas. I just don't. I tell this to every boy who asks me out. I'm busy. Because I am. They like the chase, I like rejecting. It's sort of a win-win. (Not really, but you get my point).

12. You wont figure it all out.
Nope, you wont. It's okay if you have no idea what in tarnation you are doing with your life right now. If you feel like you aren't doing much, it's totally fine. The thing about being 16 is that you're pretty old, but not really. You're sort of just starting out- gaining responsibility. So don't try to stress yourself by figuring out what career you want and when you want to get married and all that useless stuff. Because most likely, you wont figure it out at all.

13. Channel your creative side.
It's healthy. If you suck at drawing, then don't show anyone. Just let your creative juices flow and unwind a little. Life's too short to be afraid of making mistakes.

14. You're not fat, okay?
I think that majority of 16 year old girls think they're fat because when they were kids they weighed like paper and now they bloat because of hormones and other scientific terms that I don't know. But you're not fat. The teens you see on T.V. and models are thin because they have to stay thin. It's part of their job. You, on the other hand, can be a normal human being. So, go eat that cake.

15. Don't say yes to every cute boy you meet.
If they ask you out and you say "Yes/Sure/Alright" on the spot, you're making it easy for jerks to try and take you out. Break your heart. Usual stuff like that. You see, when guys ask you out, you'll really know if they like you because A. They'll be persistent, B. They'll do this cute thing when they always try to get your attention, and C. Work hard for the yes! It's not a game, it's just a way of knowing if a boy really likes you. Easy peasy.

16. Sixteen will come and go. Enjoy the ride.
Don't rush, okay? Just take your sweet time. Don't try to be like those teens on T.V. that do so many things like travel, date, frickle-frackle (LOL), smoke pot. Stuff like that. Just go on your own pace, and you wont regret a thing. If I were to do an age over and over again it would be sixteen. It's been my most eventful and magical year.

Note to self:

don't read retreat letters unless you want to get all metaphorical or be an astronomer.

This is for you, Generosity.

When I was a junior, I learned that stars were formed when interstellar clouds would get too dense and collapse. The process sounded so bland for the bright jewels that hung above our heads. And I guess, that appealed to me because it reminded me of people.

We rise and fall- collapse- and get better.

When I was a senior, I noticed that we all were little stars stuck in this vast, dark world with no say, whatsoever, on where we wanted to be placed. Yes, we were scattered and I liked that. I liked our tension with one another, our diverse qualities. I liked the little patterns we created as we wove into one, huge constellation. Our diversity led us to collapse; yet we got better. Together.

When I sat down on my seat in the airplane, I thought that I would be able to see the stars more. I waited for night to come and I never thought to close my eyes and sleep. As I looked out my window, I saw black. There wasn’t a star in sight.

And on my first month, I stepped outside to look at the clouds. It was too sunny to have any around. I thought about them, how we spent lunches looking at the floating objects in the sky, waiting to be identified. There weren’t any stars that night either.

Last night, it was chilly- the good kind. The thing is, when you live in a city where the lights on the ground grow brighter as the night grows darker, you will never see the stars. Too much light pollution, too many people don’t care. And I realized that, I hated the city. I lay on my back, waiting for them to come out. They never do and I’ve never felt so alone.

So tonight, I didn’t bother. I did something worse. I looked at your letters.

I didn’t even know that I’ve been living here for half a year. I’ve never felt so lonely in my entire life. And I know that there are ways to keep in touch, but do we really touch? There are ways to remember, but tell me, are we not fading? The people here are not stars and if they were, they never shined. Too much light pollution, also, too many people never care.

I’m now on my bed that is filled with scattered letters. I touch each and every one because I know that a long time ago, your hands did the same. Every night, I leave the fairy lights above my bed open (and every morning I always get in trouble for it). I’ve learned that sometimes, we have to make our own stars to help us keep going.

I miss them, the stars. The private constellations woven from experiences, the secrets kept and thrown into space, and conversations that were sucked into the void. And though it’s evening in my horizon and yours would be day, I believe that a miracle could happen and, one day, let us meet again.

I need a best friend who I can be my lazy-bum self with. Someone who I can be comfortable with and just act like the lazy potato that I am. Most of my friends who are girls are too busy taking selfies and curling their hair and stalking Kylie Jenner on Instagram. It's exhausting to try and act interested in who is dating who and which exotic place they visited last summer. I literally want to have burping contests with my best friend and play Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, and battle in Pokemon with. Or a person who will actually sit down and watch Supernatural with me and disagree that Heroes was an awesome show. (I thought Heroes was amazing, others beg to differ).

How about a best friend who will also act like your big brother? I grew up in a family where I'm the eldest with zero brothers. I've always wanted one. Someone who will say "Who am I going to beat up now?" whenever I cry and feel heartbroken. Just someone protective, not jealous. There's a difference. And when I make a mistake, he'd tell me I did the wrong thing and make me apologize.

And a friend who wont make up useless rumors and judgements about me and doesn't care about gossip. I used to love gossip, but then I turned 13. Most people I know never grew out of their "gossip" stage and it's absolutely tiring to listen to. I want to talk about my feelings after Dean Winchester died for the hundredth time and debate about which band is the best of all time. Not about that girl in class who wears too much make up and that new pop song everone is listening to.

But I know that it's hard to find a guy best friend because one day one might fall inlove with the other. And that's complicated. I just wish that a boy will genuinely come up to me and talk about interesting things with me because he wants me to be his friend. Or make fun of me because he knows that I'm really a dork. I don't need a boy to fall in love with me or the other way around. It's too exhausting and complicated. If you've read Anna and the French Kiss, you'd know what I'm talking about.

I'm tired of the remarks that people say about a boy being best friends with a girl isn't real and possible. It's possible if your intention is to just be there for each other like you're both a family. It's possible if you try and not let your feelings get the better of you. So is it really possible? I often think that only a rare set of people have the ability to do this. To just genuinely be best friends and nothing more at first. It's all but a mystery if you'll be best friends for ages or strangers once again.

There's nothing more affectionate than the love and acceptance of a friend. And I honestly think that everyone has it in them to just be friends with the opposite gender. I just felt like voicing this topic out because it's so controversial to be friends with a guy. Sometimes, we forget that a Lizzie and Gordo friendship really does exist.

The boy you deserve is someone who gives you the cutest, goofiest smile the minute he sees
you walk in the room. He would greet you with the most ridiculous British accent “How I've missed
you, love!” and hug you ‘til you turn purple.
He would give you lollipop bouquets and take you ballroom dancing in the kitchen. And the
daisies he will find, he will entwine into a crown.
“For my princess.” He would say, and place it on your hair.
Your room will be filled with books and mix-tapes from him and the smell of your pillow will
be of him. And your journal would overflow with Polaroids and tickets and notes from your misadventures.
He would be the boy who will push you to go watch a book-turned-movie because he knows
you hate it so much. But he will believe that a girl like you isn't capable of hate and in the end, you’ll
be sitting in a dark cinema with that goofy boy smiling at you while you frown at the disappointing
movie screen. He doesn't try to kiss you; he doesn't put his arm around you. Because he believes that
a girl like you should be kissed and loved when the rays of the sun are touching your skin and sees the
girl he loves vibrant and warm.
The boy you deserve will make you a cup of coffee and read the same book as you even
though he’s not into reading. He would try to catch up to you and say “This book is awesome. It
should be a movie, don’t you think, darling?” You glare as he laughs and plants a kiss on your
forehead.
He is the one who will carry you when you’re tired of living. The one who will push you to
do things you’re afraid of doing. And the one who will pull you in his arms, back to reality, when a
night full of dreams gives you a hangover. One who will drop everything he’s holding just to hug you.
On anniversaries he will give you treasure hunts and gifts of poetry and prose. Figurative
languages to last you a decade. On birthdays he’ll buy you yogurt with a candle waiting to become a
wish. And on a sad, lonely day he’ll understand it’s okay to be gloomy sometimes. Bless his soul.
He will propose to you. When you least expect it, he will. He’ll write you a book with the
ending “Can I be your ever after?” Or he’ll take you to the coffee shop where you first met. Wearing
the same outfit and shoes, holding the same bag and book, with the same love-struck faces you both
had. Or he’ll come over with the goofiest speech on his right hand, trembling. His breath, shaking,
like he’s in sixth grade reading a book report. And right there, you’ll see him kneeling on the wooden
floor, with the most beautiful ring.
The boy you deserve will love you more than Noah loved Ali. He’ll write you a better eulogy
than Gus. He’ll protect and hold you better than Four. He’ll make you smile and make you better
coffee than Levi ever did. He’ll show you magic so rare, Harry couldn't demonstrate. And no, he may
not have control over the oceans and seas like Percy, but he will bring you the dreams you reach for,
the warmth of the sun you hope to attain, the music unheard of, not sung nor played, but spoken from
his heart and of all his being.
The boy you deserve may not exist, but know this is the boy you deserve. Never settle for less
than what’s rightfully meant to be yours.

This is the boy you deserve.

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